i just wanna soil my oats bro
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dick has a subreddit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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