it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
