I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
