Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
