Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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