a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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