Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My brain says no but my pants say off.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
