i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
