He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
