And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
