WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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