How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
