we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize