The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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