all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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