My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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