I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
