The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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