How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
