i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
