I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are we still banned from the library?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
