I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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