It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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