dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
