so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
