I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
