whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
