I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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