well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
