i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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