i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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