Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
