it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
