I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
