he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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