So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
