Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
