I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't turn off my feet"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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