That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
