no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
