well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
