I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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