Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
