Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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