someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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