You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize