I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
