i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
