At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
