I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
