Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize