why didn't you poke me back
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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