The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
