from now on my penis is your penis
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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