how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
