just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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