just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
