Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
