just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
