M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
