I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
