its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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