i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
