Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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