my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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