you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
