pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
