I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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