Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize