somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
