Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
