im six kinds of drunk right now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
