Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
