Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
